Monday, March 8, 2010

The Thrifty Date and Women: Maxim's Unauthorized Guide

 Yes men, you too could be owners of this lovely lifelike blow up doll. Ur, we mean, a real lady. With a soul and a pulse and EVERYTHING. 


Would you like to:
•    Meet and seduce the women most men only fantasize about?
•    Make the woman of your dreams forget every other man she's met?
•    Understand her secret desires and learn how to fulfill them?
•    Turn your relationship into the most exciting adventure of your life?

This is what Women: Maxim's Unauthorized Guide promises the reader. I recently found this book while packing and I like it. It's unintentional comedy.

As a quick, funny background on this book, my friend Sam purchased it for his friend. His friend was terrified of Women so the book was a gag gift. I wanted to deliver it to him but he was scared of me, so I didn't.

The book contains common sense tips like "Take showers and wear deodorant, hygiene is important," and "We know she talks a lot but actually listen to what the bitch says occasionally, it will greatly increase you chances to sex her." (My words, not theirs) But I'm certain a lot of this doesn't apply to the thrifty female population. It's my duty to quickly debunk some of the common myths perpetuated by this kind of publication.


1.    A good date involves a chick flick and vanilla scented candles.
That sounds like an endurance test, not a date. I actually hate watching chick flicks. I'd prefer beer, cartoons, and horror movies.

2.    All females like a romantic dinner.
A thrifty female balks at the unnecessary expense that comes with an implied "romantic dinner". Also, doesn't this type of dinner make dating awkward for "first dates"? Thrift females are casual.


3.    Females like "Chick Shows" and "Chick Music".
The book goes into a "Chick Pop Culture Crash Course". I'm actually not familiar with anything listed. I've never seen "When Harry Met Sally", "Friends", "Pretty in Pink", "Ally McBeal", or even heard of "Lilith Fair". Can’t we just watch Batman: The Animated Series or Ren & Stimpy?

4.    All females like sparkly things.
A thrift female doesn't like fancy jewelry. Some females would prefer something you made as a gift, or even some batman comic books. Most of all, a thrift female merely desires your company. Really.

5.    All women are subconsciously planning their weddings.
Huge elaborate weddings are an obscene waste of money in the eyes of a thrift female. Even as someone who's worked as a wedding photographer I can't see myself having a wedding. It's money better spent elsewhere and I honestly think weddings are boring. I can't be the only one!


 
I hope I've never unintentionally looked this flirtatiously at any man alive. If I have, I apologize.

It's not quite fair for me to judge this book as I'm not only a thrifty female but I not a "woman". I do not mentally think of myself as a woman, female certainly, but definitely not a "woman"! What do my fellow thrift females think about the general perception of females in books like Women: Maxim's Unauthorized Guide?

I also ranted about this fun little book over on my personal blog Van's Story Time.

5 comments:

  1. I LAUGHED. It reminds me a lot of magazines like Cosmo or something. Most men who look at that get intimidated by women or read that and wonder why they can't relate. "Women" aren't some alien species, we are people with personal interests and desires. I agree with you 100%, I'd much rather read comics and watch cartoons than feel like spewing my brains everywhere after watching an episode of "Gilmore Girls" or something. I have to say I'm personally very lucky to have my boyfriend say that I'm a "Catch" for liking the same things he does.

    On another note: This maxim article presents women as objects. Sorry, it sort of does! To consider one's self as a "woman" does sound more intimidating than "female". Woman makes you sound like you need to wear tons and make up and high heels and enjoy only the stereotypes that the media wants of us (jewelry, expensive fashion, men to buy us everything, and children). Again- Individuals! Not a species.

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  2. The Maxim is DEFINITIVELY sexist, misogynist, and objectifying for sure- but hey, those are the Hallmarks of this brand of publication. I have to admit that I'm female- I wear high heels and use face wash and conditioner.

    But I'm not the brand of female that would buy into any of the suggestions listed in the book. I love being a Geeky female. I would not be with a guy who wasn't nerdy, too. All of my exes loved the fact that I was an insane comic book nerd who would check out girls with them. The end!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ahaa rambling, I wear heels too but the point being that's not the image of all females. (Excuse me if I was off or insulting) I'm sure though, men look at something like Cosmo and think along the same lines we would looking at this. XD

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments. Thank you for adding to the discussion! I always reply to any and all questions.

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