Walking through St. Augustine's downtown, admiring the lights, and absorbing the Old World charm is an annual tradition for me. I've spent a several Christmas Eves, days, and nights here. Some nights were jubilant, light, and carefree. I remember one being a pensive night where I knew change for a relationship was on the horizon. I sensed the end but went through the motions anyway, slightly unhappy.
I recently (this past Saturday) had something happen that broke my heart. I never wanted to feel that type of betrayal again; I'm still coping with the consequences.
When I carried on with my tradition of exploring St. Augustine's old cobblestone streets I felt faint pieces of hope, mixed with heavy doses of anger, anxiety, sadness and doubt.
Crushing heartbreak is a good time to focus on work and goals, and not just because it makes the perfect distraction. Getting sucked into work is therapeutic. I can be wronged again and again but I know I'm lucky that I have an undying, burning passion about the work I put out and improving every day.
That's why even though I feel lower than I've felt all year, the glittering lights of this season spark my dreams and ambitions again. The quaint tourist shops bedecked in glowing electric orbs remind me that someday, years from now, or sometime sooner, I'll have a studio of my own where I can ship products that help people worldwide. The lights inspire me to focus, up my game, improve and execute.
I like to share thoughts and posts like these for the catharsis of putting it out there, and to be honest. I earn very little, but my expenses are paid with a little leftover. I work a dream job and live in a gorgeous area. I play with herbs, essential oils, gorgeous vintage goods and get creative every single day. On the outside and from what I share on the blog, my life can look too-good-to-be-true, and some bloggers choose not to burst the bubble of perfection with honesty. But I love the posts when bloggers get honest and share some of their real pains and frustrations. You connect with their humanity, it makes you feel less alone. (And if I'm totally honest, as much as I love lifestyle and decor blogging, too much of it has become purely: Look at this stuff I bought! LOOK!)
I'm bleeding, but I vow here and now to take that raw hurt and turn it into progress. Starting NOW. I'll be ready for you, 2016. I WILL accomplish all the things! I invite you to read along and do the same with me!
Afterword: If you're down this year, which is common for the Holidays, read this comic (It's Going to Be Okay) by The Oatmeal and this video about his motivation to run. Instant mood lifters, they put a smile on my face instantly. And maybe a tear in the corner my eye...
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