Yesterday my blood sugar plummeted while I was waiting in line with a friend at my neighborhood Walgreens: cold sweat, vertigo, ears ringing, vision fading, nausea rising, Timber! I felt the fall coming and rushed to the bathroom to lay on the floor so I wouldn't crash to the floor like a pathetic snapped sapling. My friends Jill and Lea (thanks, guys!) were super helpful and got me water and a ride home. From there The Universe forced me to Think. I couldn't buzz about working on projects. I couldn't make it to my kitchen shift at Shakti. Instead I had to lay motionless on the couch for several hours to keep the dizziness at bay. And ponder. Finally captive to long thoughts. (With kitty.)
I decided to take stock of my current life mess and what lead to the crash. There are a lot of physical things I did wrong (I suspect taking a pain pill for my killer monthly and lots of multivitamins when I've barely had solid food in me for a week was a bad, bad idea). I also blame my fierce attempts to Improve All The Things at once. This was one painful reminder that results are superior when you focus on one project at a time.
I have a fickle creator-brain that wants to do too much. Just in the past few months I've:
- Searched for retail store space for a vintage store plan (abandoned- all bad locations/too much $),
- Worked with counselors and conducted extensive hours-long conversations with grads and students alike on my school path (deciding- thinking Digital Media but my heart cries for Photography even though it's a Fine Arts and not Photojournalism),
- Contacted an artist on making a line of ceramics with me (postponed for a
- More! So much randomness...
Yet despite all the ideas constantly buzzing in my head and screaming for release, I've found my real life's mission. I love art and creating. It's an inalienable part of my being, but the big mission is:
To change lives with my photos and words while constantly refining my writing and photography skills.
The challenge is finding out exactly how to do this. Contributing to other publications: books, journals, fellow-blogs and magazines and of course- really working hard on the content right here at Thrift Core is my current bet. I think this means my Ultimate Project List Of Crazy needs better planning and a temporary hold. I can't expect to have strict deadlines for everything and keep killing myself, I need to take things one step and a time. This is all common sense to a more pragmatic person, but it took a trip to the bathroom floor for me to get the point. I learn things the hard way.
I won't abandon my love of design, kitsch, pop culture, mid century modern, and all things creative. It can all be refined and combined, like proceeds of sales to charity when my long-dreamed ceramics line is ready. I'm actively shaping my future. It's currently an amorphous lump of clay, but by chipping away at it the vision is slowly emerging.
Universe Hath Spoken! Don't take a pain pill and/or multivitamins if you've only had smoothies and salads to eat for days and you're chemically sensitive like I am! Don't pile up projects and expectations. No more bathroom floors, please!